Dear Bubby,
My wife is a terrific woman. She has given me 5 wonderful children and numerous grandchildren. She is an excellent housekeeper and has a university degree. I should be on cloud nine however there is one thing that really bothers me. Although she is a remarkable cook, she DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE GEFILTE FISH!!!!
You would think that a woman who makes the best chicken soup in the world (a 7 year old grandson commented once that it was “irresistible”) and is an eclectic cook…..she makes Chinese String Beans, Kosher Enchilada Pie, Russian Beet Borscht, Greek Peppers Stuffed with Anchovies, German Potato Salad, S’fardi Cigars, among other things, all recipes that are not in her purview, would know how to make something that is…..gefilte fish.But no. How many times have I tried to teach her. My own mother has spent hours with her trying to teach her the right way, but no, she continues to cook it the way her Litvak grandmother taught her, with salt and pepper!!! Like a peasant! Not like we of the sophisticated Western Polish way, with a cup of sugar. (She also makes the potato latkes without sugar but since she only makes that once a year it is not such a big problem.) To help her out, I do the shopping and am always careful to bring home plenty of sugar.
We have argued about this for years. A few years ago the stopped making any fish for a time. Then she told me that she was going to compromise. She made a batch without sugar, salt and pepper and then divided it in half. In one mixing bowl she put sugar and the other, t he salt and pepper and then cooked them in different pots. When she served it on Shabbat she would tell the children that the plate on the left is Litvak, on the right Polish.
I am ashamed to relate that this went on for three weeks before I realized that the children always requested the fish on the left, and I do believe that my wife has brainwashed them. I had to stop this before it ruined their little palates. I am not saying that Litvaks are not as cultured as those of us, in the business and industrial classes of Lodz, Krakow, etc. but you can see for yourself.
How can I get through to her? To lift her up?
Signed,
Refuse to Surrender
Dear Refuse,
You are not the only man who has these problems. You have no idea how many letters I get from other “sophisticated palates” complaining that their wives make hard matzo balls when “everyone knows that they should float on the surface of the soup”……and here, I digress. My children didn’t know it was Pesach until they heard the thud of the matzo ball as it hit the bottom of the soup bowl, wherein they would reach for their fork and knife to cut it up) Or when she makes sour pickles she makes them in brine and not vinegar as “everyone knows” is the “right” way.
Since sophistication and learning are so important to you I would remind you that wealthy religious Jews would send their sons to Lithuania to “learn”.. Those boys returned healthy and energetic so apparently the food they ate there did not affect them negatively.. In fact, who is to say that salt and pepper were some of the reasons that all of the “greats” came from Vilna and I can’t remember one from Lodz.
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